SOME SETBACKS

I am so tired. Isaac's separation anxiety seems to be getting worse instead of better. I can't be out of his site for more than about 30 seconds, usually less, before he starts screaming for me. Yesterday we went to the mall to look for a dress for Olivia to wear in my cousin's wedding. Olivia is going to be the flower girl. I had them both in a double stroller. My mom came to help me look. My arms and back were starting to hurt from pushing the kids for so long, so my mom offered to push the stroller for a while. When Isaac saw that my mom was pushing the stroller instead of me, he started crying. He won't even stay with Eddie without me in the room. He isn't afraid of Eddie. He likes to play with him, but if Eddie tries to do anything for him or if I walk out of the room for very long, Isaac starts to cry. He wants me to do everything. I feel like crashing from pure exhaustion by the end of the day. Isaac even got upset tonight when I asked Eddie to take the kids to the bathroom and get them to brush their teeth. Isaac got upset because Eddie was doing it instead of me. He also got upset when Eddie took them to the backroom to read a book to them. They were upset because Eddie was reading the book instead of me. Isaac also just wants me to tuck him in, fix his food, give him his bath, put him in and out of the car seat, pretty much everything. It isn't that I don't want to do these things for him. I want to take care of him and do things for him, but it is exhausting doing it all by myself. I also think it is important that Eddie do these things too, not just to give me a break, but because we are both their parents and he needs to bond with Isaac. He needs to see that he got two parents, not just one. He of course doesn't know what it means to have a Mommy and a Daddy. He doesn't know what those roles are. All he understands right now I think is having caregivers. He seems to look at me as his sole caregiver. He doesn't seem to look at Eddie as one of his caregivers. Right now I don't really think Isaac knows who Eddie is. He seems to think that he just hangs around with us and follows us around. I think Eddie to him is just like the young guys that would come to the orphanage at night to help out. They played with the kids and ate supper with them, but that was about it. I know that this should get better with time. We have been through it before with Olivia, but I am not sure how much better it will get. Olivia was like this in the beginning too. She only wanted me to do just about everything when we got home from China and it was really stressful and draining. The reason I am not sure how much better it will get is because Olivia is still like this in some ways. She still gets upset if I ask Eddie to do something that I would usually do so that I can have a little "Mommy time". Olivia has been with us for 4 years. I had a breakdown tonight and everyone was crying, except for Eddie who was trying to calm all of us down.